Personal letter image with hand writing.
Hello! I get messages from new members sometimes… "I am serious with finding a man to marry on here, but I am very disappointed so far. I have not found anyone to be with." I share this person letter to all of you Chinese/Asian women new to this website. Especially those that get discouraged because love is not happening for them here as fast as they would like. Most of my regular readers will find this blog repetitive, so it feel free to skip this entry. It's for the new members, really.
Finding a good love that is right for you is not an easy task for anyone. Man or woman. Even when we think we found the right one to love. Sometimes it ends in a break up or divorce months or years later. This is life. This is reality. But to join a new dating site you can not expect love to happen in a few days or weeks or months! It is not automatic just because you joined this dating website.
Online dating websites are only a tool to introduce you to potentially single men. It does not guarantee love. Many make that mistake and quickly rush into a relationship with the first or second man they get a sweet message from. This is the wrong way to any relationship. A good and strong relationship takes so much more.
You must have patience. You will still have to do the regular activities that create a relationship before you talk of marriage. Always meet a man before you fall in love with him! It is a MUST that you SHOULD meet each other face to face and spend time together to make sure you are a good match for each other before you speak of love. Only immature, unrealistic (or stupid) people will rush and talk of loving someone without meeting face to face. So what if you have strong feelings. Great! Refrain from devoting your love before spending time with them.
Many people make the mistake that if you meet someone online, you automatically find love. This is incorrect. You still have to do the same rituals you would do if you met a new man in your city. You meet each other in public. Go to dinner and if all goes well, maybe try a few more dates spending time together. Take your time and talk. Understand each other. Learn of your aspirations. Laugh together hand in hand. See if you both have a possible future together. If you both can agree and be content with disagreeing. Learning each other's temperament. So many factors that you have already experienced with past boyfriends. You did not meet past your boyfriends and have automatic love for them with a few emails did you? So do not make the same mistake here. The same applies to meeting a man online. It is no different. Eventually, you have to meet each other face to face to truly find out if you are a good match. This all takes time. Some men will try to play games and say they love you before ever meeting you. Hopefully you will have better sense than they have.
A website does not automatically find you love. This is the misconception of the general public. This is why the general public will frown upon online dating so much. They all feel only crazy people can be met online, but crazy people exist on the street too. As there are good and bad men in the streets of China there are good and bad men on dating sites. So you have to be smart and careful!
Do not fall for a man's sweet words so easily. Chinese men and western men are very different. A Chinese guy is not be so open to tell you sweet words and compliment you from first meeting you. That is not their style of meeting a woman. So I know Chinese women are not used to hearing so many sweet compliments from a man they hardly know. Many women mistake this for a man being very sincere. Although it is lovely to receive compliments, do not take the compliments to deep heart.
Western guys - compliment women all the time. Sometimes we compliment a woman just to be friendly. To be nice. We can easily say,
"You look very pretty in that dress."
Just friendly words. But there are also men who will sweet talk you because they like you. And will offer the same compliment. This is when you must still maintain your cool and not get so excited and eager because a man says wonderful words that move your heart. We all do this and do not expect much of a reaction, because women in America are not so easily charmed by sweet words. So do not be easily swayed to fall for the first or second man that writes sweet words to you so quickly. Take the time to learn how good of a man he is. Every man will put first a good first impression. The first email. The first meeting face to face. It's how you get people to like you. But actions speak louder than words. Give it a few days or months and a man's true nature will eventually show itself. It takes time. Be patient.
ONE IMPORTANT LESSON: Do not talk of love and marriage if you have never met in China. A man should go and visit a woman first in China to see if they are a good match. If a man is talking about love or marriage to you before he ever visits you, he is a fool. He will tell you, "I love you and wish to marry you. You are the woman for my life. blah blah blah..." Do not believe such stupidity. No one in their right mind should tell anyone "they love you" (or you love them) if you have never met in person! It's a fool's mistake and that love is premature. Because once you commit and discover that love is not what you expected… you will regret it!
Just as there are bad people in real life. There are bad people online too. It is no different. There are cheaters in the street and there are cheaters on dating websites. Online or in real life, it is all the same people.
Be careful and learn how to spot a scammer. CLM (ChinaLoveMatch.net) provides great SCAMMER tips. Scammers like to be on dating websites to find unsuspecting men and women. A scammer will be quick to love you and talk of marriage and may ask you to delete your account and only talk to them. They want to do that to gain your trust and then they can try to cheat you out of your time and money. Be smarter than that. Use your common sense. If you come across someone asking you for money or deleting your account, you should report them to CLM. They do a good job of kicking scammers out, but it is up to us members to spot them and report them.
I share with you this information with you because I receive messages from many Chinese women who get hurt over men who are smooth talkers, liars and scammers. Yes, the same guys reading this blog. I will call you out but CLM won't let me. I know the dirt you do so change your act and be honest and sincere with these lovely women on here. Some men will say they love you and then disappear. Waste your time.
As I wrote earlier, there are good men on here and there are not so good men. The hard task? Trying to find a good men. Some men start out good and turn out bad. Such is life! You take a chance with anything in life. Being smart with who you meet is how you protect yourself. It is the rules of dating and getting to know a man or woman. How much is just talk and how much is truth. Everyone puts on a good first impression. But the more you take your time to know them: the sooner the REAL person shows their face!
from someone..........hehe....really good to read about your article. there are good lesson for chinese lady because there are old words for chinese lady mean every women are stupid during she in love with someone. so hard for her to know that man she love is good or bad . especialy for younger couple .