She's packing an M-Bomb AND she's got backup! Actress Yuen Qiu in Stephen Chows' 2005 hit movie "Kung Fu Hustle."
China is littered with the bones of foreigners, or the walking wounded, from direct hits by the M-Bomb. Almost any foreigner boots on the ground in China had either something similar happen to them, or one of their friends. It happens far too often and I put the blame squarely on the shoulders of these Chinese women.
V’s momma was not the first M-Bomb I experienced in China. I mentioned 34 year-old KeKe in a past posting I met on CLM in early 2008.
Her momma knew she was dating me and disapproved. KeKe was no “Lily white virgin”. In fact, she had left Chengdu in her twenties, lived for several years in another Chinese Province with a man from South America, AND had a child with him.
They were never married, broke-up and the child went back to South America with the father. Why did she not keep the child? Of course, this would be a big “Loss of Face” or shame on her affluent family to be an unwed mother.
Yet, MOMMA, wants her to marry a rich Chinese man and probably would not hesitate to present her as “Undamaged Goods”!
What a farce! I told her this in another heated direct confrontation similar to V. You and momma are going to hide the fact you have a child?
While the M-Bomb had been deployed, Keke was actually more of a MIRV (Multiple Independently Targetable Reentry Vehicle) Missile. She wanted the diamond ring and more importantly the Green Card. She didn’t want to stay in Chengdu or China. Love was not really part of her thought process. Escaping momma seemed to be her primary objective.
Yes men, I’m your boots on the ground in China. You usually only find this shit out unless your’re here listening, observing and asking questions in real life where things often “Slip” out in conversation over time and multiple meetings.
Short of becoming a hermit and hunkering-down in your home bunker, there is no 100% advice I can offer to guarantee avoiding the M-Bomb. However, here are the lessons to be learned from my experience and some advice for all concerned:
A. Chinese and Asian Ladies
1. Before you waste a man’s time and emotions, make DAMN sure it’s OK with your momma and/or papa to marry a foreigner. ASK them and DISCUSS this issue with them. DO NOT avoid it and just imagine it’s OK with them!
2. If it’s NOT OK with your parents, are you willing to go against them and choose your own boyfriend or husband without letting them interfere? If not, then, what the hell are you doing on an international dating website? Dreaming? Living in a fantasy world? Improving your English? Bored?
3. Don’t drive an expensive car you can’t afford to perform routine maintenance or repair after an accident if you do not have adequate insurance coverage. Drive a QQ or Smart instead of a BMW or Mercedes. Another word of advice, make sure your insurance is comprehensive and covers other drivers with no insurance. Is your brother or sister insured if they wreck your car?
4. Be independent as much as possible. ALL Men, foreign or domestic, are NOT “Walking/Talking ATM machines” ready, willing or able to give you tens of thousands of dollars for whatever reason.
B. Foreign Men
1. Do your Due Diligence. Maybe not on first contact, but when appropriate soon after, ASK that woman of special interest;
A. DO YOUR PARENTS CARE IF YOU MARRY A FOREIGNER? IF they say NO, then ask;
B. DID YOU ASK THEM? IF they say YES, I discussed this with them, then ask;
C. WHAT WAS THEIR RESPONSE?
D. PRESS for answers by using probing questions. DO NOT accept cursory responses or let them simply ignore these questions.
I’ve had Chinese women answer these questions by saying “no problem” and telling me, they were independent and able to make their own relationship decisions. However, upon further probing questioning, they had NOT asked or discussed this issue with their parents.
If they refuse to discuss this issue with their parents, OR you, my advice is MOVE ON, or you’re a good candidate to be hit later with the M-Bomb after expending time, emotions, chatting/emailing and maybe even money coming to China or some other Asian country.
Many of the parents of these Chinese girls and Asian women on Internet dating websites DO NOT know their daughter is online conversing with foreign men.
2. If you get deeply involved with ANY woman, ask about her financial obligations. You don’t need any big surprises later when you’re ready to tie the knot. I’ve had some Chinese women online in Sichuan tell me upfront from the start they needed a man who could afford to pay-off a 50,000 RMB business loan. Good luck Lil’ Darlin’ and bye-bye. At least they were honest.
3. Is YOUR family truly willing to accept an Asian woman? Have you discussed this with them? It is difficult enough for an Asian woman to possibly leave a good job or career, family, friends, culture, etc. and move to a new country and culture without being welcomed by your family. Think about it!
I admit I had a massive brain fart by not asking V if it was OK with her parents to marry a foreigner. I’ve learned in China from my experiences, as well as other foreign men who are boots on the ground, to expect the M-Bomb from a Chinese woman like KeKe who is thirty-five years old or less, living at home and semi-dependent on their parents.
My faulty thinking was assuming a seemingly independent forty-seven year old divorced woman, working and with an eighteen-year-old son, out of the house in a local university, was free to choose relationships for herself without pressure and interference from momma. I was sadly wrong.
Let me make it very clear before Chinese mothers and their daughters start forming hit teams again to hunt-down my ass and “terminate with extreme prejudice”. ALL Chinese mothers are NOT going to drop the M-Bomb.
However, the umbilical cord for some Chinese women is never severed until momma dies and maybe not even then. I sometimes think some of these Chinese mothers have pre-chosen their tombs epitaph to read… YOU BETTER NOT MARRY A FOREIGNER!
The older I get, the more I’ve learned a minus can be a plus, a plus can be a minus and adversities can bring new opportunities. An unexpected opportunity had now presented itself… maybe.
As far as I know, many Chinese women married western men and moved to foreign countries. They thought it should be heaven in another side of the world. But they were wrong. Many of them divoced and came back China again. So, if a woman told you that her parents didn't agree with your marriage. It was just her excuse. It is really a good excuse. Because all of you western people think Chinese people have more important family value.
Yes, maybe you are right. Some women online are just like dreaming. some are bored, just want to have fun, just like some men. Of course. there are also some honest women. They are honest, really independent, they hope to find their love in the world. But we all know, it is not easy to find really good companion.
Good luck!
This is the most oft used excuse by Chinese women to escape a relationship they have decided they want out of without having to simply tell the western guy who loves them that they don't love him back. "Sorry, I know I've been telling you for a year that we'd get married, and I know you've changed your entire life at great expense because of that, but oops, my Mom won't let me. Bye bye." The reality is that often Mama has been pressuring daughter relentlessly to tie down that Western gold mine and start shipping his cash home to the family bank account, as opposed to trying to keep her away from him.
It is also the number one ploy of those Chinese dating agencies and scam sites like CHNLove, AsianBeauties and others, to lure some poor unsuspecting western guy over to China to meet his fiancee (who was nothing but a fake profile set up by the agency) and then have a "friend" of hers meet him at the airport to announce that his dearly beloved won't be able to marry him after all. However, lucky for him she just happens to know several other great girls she can introduce him to for a small price.
Sometimes Mama is as innocent as the victim when the M-bomb is dropped.
Though you said you have lived in China for long,I think you don't know Chinese women really. If a man and a woman are real lovers, the woman will hope to share the caring from the man. For example, the women you mentioned, maybe she could pay all by herself. But if she thought you were her love, or you really loved her, why can't you help her and pay for her at the special time, while she got traffic accident. Of course, if you can. It means love,too.
In China, when a man and a woman date,or for dinner, usually, it's the man to pay for dinner. It doesn't mean we women are not independent.
Maybe, it is for different worlds.
Meg and John, Please read this true story again and get the details which should make it clear it was NOT a convenient excuse. I'm sure this happens to some foreign men, but not all.
Meg, Of course I know there are many Chinese women who marry foreigners and move to their country. Some are happy and some not, subsequently returning to China divorced.
However, many old Chinese mothers or even fathers may fear the foreign man may take their daughter, maybe an only child, to his country. For selfish reasons, they will object to the relationship with NO regard for the feelings of their daughter. This is not unlike old China with arranged marriages with no regard as to the boy or girls wishes. Am I wrong about this?
Furthermore Meg, please tell me what is wrong with a woman having independent thinking and an independent life with the ability to choose a job or career OR a man she truly wants?
You think a woman should be dependent on a man for everything? Food, home, money, etc.? Many women with dependent thinking on their parents OR a husband later find themselves divorced, maybe with a child, and living a meager existence. I've seen the younger Chinese generation begin to shred this outdated thinking and seek to be more self-supportive thus achieving a more true independence.
I do not generally respond to any anonymous comments, but I'll make an exception for the female anonymous member because it is so funny! This is a typical response I would expect from a Golddigger. "Am I more important, or your money?" Get a life!
I've made the mistake in the past of giving tens of thousands of RMB to a girlfriend so she didn't have to work so she could study English after buying her English lessons at the English school I worked and for what? To have her shag the Australian drummer in a band just passing through at the Shangri-La Hotel? To have her attack me in Sanya when I took her there? To have her just disappear and try to sell the English lessons I paid for? What love?
I DO NOT think so! "If you don't give me money, then you don't love me." is pure, Grade A, unadulturated BULLSHIT. I've learned my lessons the hard way, so let it suffice to say, Homie don't play dat!".