"Boots on the Ground" A new series by David Lee on real relationships in China.
There is an important question all you foreign men need to ask that special woman you’ve met regardless if online or in person. From the outset, other than common questions like name, place residing, job, etc., you need to ask this question quickly before wasting your time, energy, emotions and of course, your hard earned money.
I’ll be posting a series of articles in my Blog from time-to-time I’ll call “Boots on the Ground”.
American Cultural Focus:
“Boots on the ground” is military jargon, or an idiomatic expression, to describe the ground forces fighting in a war or conflict other than those not engaged or enroute to an actual fight.
According to Wikipedia, Journalist Karl Zinsmeister titled his book Boots on the Ground: A month with the 82nd Airborne in the Battle for Iraq making the expression famous. However, the expression dates back at least to British officer Robert Grainger Ker Thompson, strategist of the British counter-insurgency efforts against the Malayan National Liberation Army during the Malayan Emergency, 1948-1960. The term is also associated with General William Westmoreland and the United States of America's intervention in Vietnam, particularly the large force increase from 1965-1968.
The term is used to convey the belief that military success can only be achieved through the direct physical presence of troops in a conflict area. As terminology, it was coined to concisely express a counter-view against the position that other means, such as aerial bombardment (as used both by Germany and the Allies in World War II, and massively by the United States in Vietnam), economic incentives, or satellite intelligence could achieve victory. The term is particularly applied currently (2010) to counter-insurgency operations.
Boots on the ground has evolved from military jargon to an everyday expression meaning to be somewhere or some place. This will be the context used for this series.
I’ve chosen Boots on the Ground as a series name because as a foreigner living in China, I’ve become painfully aware it is necessary through my personal experiences, as well as reading some male member’s uninformed comments on CLM/ALM. The focus will not just be to inform men, but to get women, especially Chinese and Asian women, to also think about online, as well as real life relationships.
We all have our dreams of the ideal mate or spouse. However, have you considered they quite possibly are unrealistic?
I’m fifty-eight years old having lived over four years in China. I have the utmost empathy and sympathy for those halfway across the world trying to develop a long distance virtual relationship and progress towards a real life long-term relationship. I’ve been in your boots over two years prior to arriving in China. This problem is usually further compounded by communication issues and cultural differences with all that entails.
Even though I’ve lived and worked in China over four years, I certainly don’t know everything, nor will I ever come close. However, I do know much more than people who have never been here or just visited a few times. This is why I’ll try to give you my “Boots on the ground” perspective and advice to maybe keep you out of the Chinese dating “minefields”.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking just because I’m living in China that I’m in the “Cat bird seat” and things are so much easier for me than maybe you. If anything, it can be more frustrating for me and here’s why.
While it may be easier and more convenient for me to actually meet Chinese women from CLM and other Internet dating websites, or chance meetings, the frustration factor has been also magnified.
Sure, I’ve met many Chinese girls and woman and even had some positive romantic relationships, so it seemed at the time. However, these relationships often seemed to “Go south” on me. Why?
It was time for some self-analysis and began doing some serious thinking not long ago about my business and relationship future. I was not in a relationship and like for many people over forty, the clock was ticking faster and faster.
Here I was approaching fifty-eight and wondering where all the years had gone. Eleven years had passed since my retirement from the State Police. That twenty-five year career I’ve often characterized as “My former life”, and now the eleven years since retirement, have seemed like a blur spent on a Chinese bullet train.
Like all of us, I have my faults, pet peeves, etc. that could possibly contribute to a relationship not working out. Maybe some women were unable to overlook my faults, or maybe I was unable to overlook theirs?
Maybe since I was unwilling to buy them a home or a car at that time was the main factor.
Maybe not wanting to have a child at my age was a contributing factor. I was willing to to accept their child, but I had no desire to be saddled with a new baby.
Maybe I was looking for a woman too young compared to my age.
Maybe my standards and expectations were too high or just too damn meticulous and choosy.
Maybe it was cultural differences.
Maybe I was too settled and not exciting.
Maybe I was not settled enough.
Maybe I had just turned into a crusty, cantankerous old curmudgeon.
About the time I was sorting all this out, I met a forty-six year old woman on CLM I call “V” who also lived in Chengdu. Her birthday was also in October, so there was an eleven-year difference in age. V was a little older than I had set my sights for, however self-reflection taught me to be more realistic about my prospects.
Her English skills were at a beginner level, but being an intelligent and educated woman, V was a quick learner. She had a business background, lived with her mother and father and had an eighteen-year-old son in a local university.
V was a tall and pretty woman who looked like she was in her late thirties and in excellent physical shape. She had some other small business interests and worked very hard, so maybe I was only able to see her once a week for a few hours at lunch.
She was confident and not a needy woman needing or asking for money. She had a nice new high end car and liked to pay her way often. More importantly to me, she professed to “Like Americans”, had been to the USA before and had a family member there married to an American. She also confessed many Chinese men were interested in her, but she did not want to marry a Chinese man.
I was not too happy with her lack of time for me, but accepted it and admired her work ethic. She seemingly never had a day off and even got sick for a week, which I attributed to working too hard.
Things progressed very well and I considered her a good prospect and could see a future. She had done her vetting process on me with the usual questions,
“You want to marry a Chinese woman?”
“You want to live in Chengdu?
“You want to see me every day?”
My answers were all YES and there was never an issue of buying a home or having a baby. She said she wanted to stay in Chengdu. Even though she had been to the USA, she said she didn’t want to live there. Good! Neither do I. All was good, so it seemed.
Seemingly from nowhere, the M-bomb dropped.
Ok, I'm waiting.
"M"... My name's Mike but, although I've caused this type of trouble before, I've never met V in my life. I swear. Maybe it's her bizarre taste in music? Or yours? It might seem odd that a man your age is listening to Metallica (at least turn it down a bit!) but her obsession with Miley Cyrus would be totally unacceptable. I think we can all agree on that.
Does she hate Mullets? Are the Chinese not familiar with "Business up front, party in the back"? Perhaps you are too Metrosexual for her more traditional tastes? Dial back the Armani and don't be afraid to let the facial hair go for a day or five. Don't get me started on Manscaping.
God, I hope she's not Mormon (Okay, that comment is funny on many levels, especially since I'm atheist in leaning).
What happened during your last makeout session? How's your couch rugby skills? A little rusty? Is she perturbed at the overabundance of/lack of morning wood?
Has she muttered "moobs" at all? I knew more than a few women that were jealous that my ass looked better than theirs. Since Asian women tend to be a little on the slender side and aren't exactly "stacked" or naturally topside bouyant, she may feel intimidated by any sign of man-boobs. Just sayin'.
And I'm purposely dancing around masturbation for a reason. I'll let everyone else comment on THAT one.