Clean and dirty room image
I'm going to get personal here. Blogger Victoria's entry, "Good Man" brought up some concerns that I have been experiencing with my own lovely wife. I try not to get personal in my blogs and fail almost every time. :) My wife does not like me sharing our personal business in the street, but this one is f*cking bothering me that I must preach it out of me today. I'm heated 'yall! Are you ready?
Victoria brought up some pet peeves (bothersome things) that I didn't agree with. Generally it came off showing a lack of responsibility and care for oneself, your partner and the house along with the day to day duties/chores that we all must tend to in our lives. I commented on her blog and some felt I was a bit harsh or strict. One even called me a drill sergeant. Whatever, dude, I consider it a stand for fairness and respect.
In a relationship, it is up to the couple to share in the responsibilities around the house. When one does not pull their own weight and the other has to do most of the work, it will eventually cause problems in the relationship. So I'm hot on this topic right now and trying to keep a cool head! I am talking fair responsibility, CLEANLINESS, respect of the house-hold and all the chores therein! I say this to all couples and soon-to-be couples, you both must get off your lazy ASSES and help around the house! Together! Not just one; BOTH!
I LIKE A CLEAN HOUSE! Who doesn't? There is something wonderful about it. Something peaceful and refreshing to come home and have your place of zen as soon as you walk in the door. Aaaaah, my home is so clean. It smells like flowers. Organized with shining floors and polished furniture. It offers a sense of calm, order and tranquility for me. Reverse the scenario and living in a home that is a trashy mess; it downright sucks! Who wants to come home to a smelly, stinky, cluttered, trashy-ass home! Who wants to live like a pig?!
My wife told me children and teens raised in China are TOO spoiled by the family. Usually they are the only child and the family cherishes this one child so much they coddle them and the child doesn't have to do much in the chores deptart. They do not learn how to be self-sufficient with cleaning and cooking. So naturally the child expects everyone should take care of them; cook and clean for them. Eventually taking this lazy attitude into their future relationships. Maybe this is another sign of how the one child policy affects society. I don't know, if this is the case you all can comment on that, but maybe there is some truth in it. I know plenty of American kids who don't know how to do a damn thing for themselves, let alone clean and cook because they were too spoiled by their parents.
Yes, it is possible my upbringing was more strict with how my mother raised me to keep the house clean. "Momma' don't take no mess!" Not so much my with my brother, but she was stern with me because I was the oldest child. I was taught to take care of the house along with my brother and sister. She always taught me to make sure the house is clean before we have visitors. I would get an embarrassing earful if my friends where visiting and my room or the house was a mess! My mother didn't play around. I guess her home not being clean was a sense of losing face (respect).
"We may be poor," she said "...but there is no excuse to have a dirty, cluttered home."
I took that to heart and use it in life. She is right, there is no excuse. What American mother does not scold her children to clean their rooms and help clean the house?! It is what parents do. It can't be so different in China because my wife shared with me how her mother and father would scold her to clean up her room. But maybe they weren't as successful with her. ;)
I had to deal with dirty/lazy roommates for the first 22 years of my life. I had to share a room with my brother who kept a pig stye on his half of the room. I had college roommates who were not the most clean or clean smelling guys. It was embarrassing inviting a girlfriend over and seeing their reaction to the room looking and smelling funky because a roommate can't wash his ass properly, let alone make his bed and clean after themselves!
Now don't get me wrong. I am not perfect and can (at times) let my home get disorganized and unsightly dirty. It happens, but once I notice it, I usually do something about it before it can get worse. I clean and straighten it up. We all can get busy with work and life at times and don't have the immediate time to pick up after ourselves on occasion. Again, it happens and that is cool, but what is your excuse to not taking care of the tasks when you notice it?
Some may complain,
"Oh, I don't have time. I have work," or "…my life is too busy to deal with it!"
Bullshit! Excuses, excuses! You are just being a lazy-ass. I am sure you have no problem making time browsing and chatting with friends on the internet for hours, talking on the phone, and still find time to turn on the TV and relax. You have the time to lay your butt in the bed longer than necessary in the mornings, don't you? Aiiyaah, if you can make time for all of that, I am sure you can schedule some time to respect your house and environment you live in.
How about this, try browsing for an hour less per day and pick up after yourself! While you are on the phone blabbing away, clear off a dirty counter or pick up the clothes off the floor! Get up an hour earlier to make the bed. When you do the laundry don't leave the clean clothes in the washing machine for 2 days, they get stinky, mildew-smelling! (no, this is not directed towards Victoria, because my wife does this too and it pisses me off! She has already been banned from washing my clothes. There is truth in the saying, when you want something done right, do it yourself!). But you tell me, how hard is it for someone to take 2 minutes to transfer the wet washing to the dryer? The machines are next to each other! C'mon, don't be so damn lazy! Why is there used pots in the kitchen sink for days? Here's a solution! How about washing/drying them and put them away?!!! It only takes about 10 minutes. Come on, do you have to come up with excuses...really?!!
If you want to keep a relationship fair, equal, balance and happy. Do your share. Do your part. Both must share in these responsibilities. I can honestly say, I'm a fair and good man, but do you think I'm going to be happy with a woman if she are not doing her share of the chores?!!! I'm dealing with this very situation right now and it's starting to to test my patience. I'm not playing. Something is very WRONG when you find yourself cleaning the floors, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, cleaning the toilet, taking out the trash, clearing the clutter, mopping the floors; basically, cleaning up after someone else and they are not doing their share.
I work 40-hours a week, built a new kitchen recently, finding myself doing a lot of the chores in the house and here I am seeing the lovely wife is snoozing her ass away in the bedroom for late hours in the morning?...You tell me, how do you think I feel?! How do you think anyone in this situation would FEEL?!! And when you ask for them to help clean around the house and they reply they do not have time! ........Oh HELL-mothafucking-NO! My mother didn't raise a damn fool!
A GOOD MAN can turn very BAD MAN when pushed far enough!
There has to be fairness in the responsibilities of the household. Some of you may like living in a toilet? I don't! Some of you may be OK with letting your gf/bf/husband/wife be lazy with doing their fair share. I won't! I do know this...sooner or later the bullshit will start to bother you, no matter how patient you may think you are. One day you will see. No one likes to be taken for granted. Do your part! Do your SHARE! Don't be a lazy-ass! There is no damn excuse!!! And if you don't know how to do your part then your ass better LEARN...and LEARN QUICK or suffer the consequences.
James Brown said it right, "Papa don't take no mess!!!"
Guess what? It's about to get nasty for exactly the reasons you have outlined. Nobody wants to live with a lazy grot or in a dirty house. I am currently corresponding with a wonderful lady via CLM. She is so clean, decent and organised. Things are going well and I don't want anything to spoil it.I think it's time for some " tough love ". Relationships in any form are about sharing and that includes the workload. Thanks for an excellent blog.
Regards
Ross
Too funny.
I am not sure whether to laugh or cry as I read your post but laughter won out. hahahahaha
I take back my idea of you starting a boot camp to train people as you don't seem to have had much success to date with motivating people to get their act together especially getting things shipshape.
I personally can't imagine calling my partner out in public as you have but different strokes for different folks.
I suggest marriage counselling. Or perhaps your part of the relationship involves cleaning the house....
I would really love to see your wife respond to this posting. hahahahaha
First of all your first statement (according to the laws of English) is stated as a fact. I've traveled to a lot of places but I am no where near qualified to make a factual statement about the state of affairs in the Universe, and I'm fairly certain you haven't either.
Secondly as a former Law enforcement professional I can assure you that right and wrong do indeed exist i.e.http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Another-Dead-Baby-Found-in-Reading-Womans-Closet-100544869.html
Thirdly in my opinion we don't "tolerate" people we love, I hope your parents didn't tolerate you. We create natural equilibrium with them. This is because they become a part of us, in some cases so much so that loses that person could be enough to no longer make you viable i.e. "died of a broken heart"
Don't mean to sound to harsh but after you see the things I have seen it slightly annoying you when someone says that good and bad or right and wrong don't exists. And BTW most cult-based serial kills also make the same claim.
@Bren I feel you for the most part. However I feel the 100/100% is better for me than the 50/50% method that you are basically describing. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying the the woman should do all the housework and I should go out and make all the money. I am happy to do the domestic work and chores and raising of the kids if she can earn more than or the same as I can and support us, but if not.....