Suit Monkey
“What are you doing after Christmas?” inquired Amy. I wasn’t going back to the USA then in 2007, nor have I been back any Christmas, or any other time in five years. My curiosity was up since I had not spoken to her in months.
“I’ll be in Shenzhen”, I replied.
“Good! Do you have a suit?” she said eagerly.
“I have many suits. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve got a job for you if you’re interested.”
Amy was a thirty-something Chinese girl of mild romantic interest to me with a very healthy set of lungs and a funky hair style who I had originally met on an internet dating website. She knew many people and worked hard looking for business opportunities…like I do now. We never really connected in the romance department, but remained friends.
I’ll digress a moment. I learned many years ago a wise man understands the difference between “Girlfriends” and “Friend girls”. If you don’t know the difference, learn quickly!
A man’s friend girls are priceless because they can bring you business, often fun to be with, and, maybe more importantly, exercise their women’s intuition and provide valuable advice about those girls who ARE your romantic interest. I would have been monetarily richer with less heartaches had I learned this at an earlier, rather than a later age. This advice also applies to women in reverse.
How do you know the difference or how to distinguish? A friend girl can always be introduced to your girlfriend. Likewise ladies, your friend boy can always be introduced to your boyfriend. It’s that simple, and of course, there is no romantic involvement with them.
If the girlfriend or boyfriend is jealous or demands you dump your friend, then you dump that girlfriend or boyfriend! Confident people aren’t jealous or too demanding. I’ve often told prospective girlfriends in my more mature years that I wanted to introduce some friend girl to them. If the girlfriend passes their test, and is not jealous of her, then maybe there are real possibilities for us. Unfortunately in the past, many didn’t pass the test, or, I was too stupid at the time to listen to my friend girl’s good advice or opinions.
Amy was such a friend girl, except in this case, she was bringing me a business opportunity. I was in between employment contracts then and a little extra money would be nice before the 2008 New Year.
“OK Amy, what’s the job?”
I was still essentially a “newbie” having been in China a little less than a year. Amy explained Mr. Mao was a Chinese venture capitalist from Shanghai and needed a “White face” or “White Monkey” to go with him to Chengdu to play the part of Vice President from an American venture capital company.
This was my first such experience with such jobs in China. It was to be one of many, but none were as lucrative as this one. For reasons that truly escape most foreigners in China, Chinese companies seem to believe it gives them “Face” to introduce a foreigner as an associate, friend, partner, etc. at a meeting or event.
The term “White face” is often applied to teaching and other jobs; however, “White Monkeys” in China are performers, actors, or even shills, playing a specific role, part or charade in some business venture, meeting or event. They are not advertised and only found through your personal connections usually taking years to develop. Before any of my non-Caucasian readers or politically correct types jumps my ass about the terminology “WHITE Monkey”, this is just a generic term with no racial overtones. These jobs are sometimes available for non-Caucasians, as well as Caucasians. Admittedly, they’re not as prevalent, but still exist.
For my part, the plan was simple. We would fly from Shenzhen on December 26th and return on December 29th. I would be paid 5,000 RMB cash on the plane prior to departure. All I needed to do was bring a change of suits, say nothing in the meetings, smile a lot and eat good food. Amy would act as Mao’s assistant and also act like my interpreter and her Columbian girlfriend Doris would act as the accountant of our team.
I was paid as promised before departure and given a few dozen poorly printed business cards. The flight was about 2 ½ hours to Chengdu. I was excited since this was my first time there and had contacted several online friends in hopes to finally meet them in person. It was not meant to be.
After arriving late afternoon in Chengdu, we were met by two men and whisked away in a van. About thirty minutes later, I realized we were heading away from Chengdu in a northerly direction.
Four hours later we arrived in a small mountain town in a valley bordering a river in northern Sichuan where our “international” hotel appeared to be one of the, if not the, tallest buildings. We checked-in and Mao had reserved our own suites while the girls shared a room. After a short dinner, I was ready to check-out what this small town had to offer for nightlife.
“NO” said Amy. “Mr. Mao says we cannot leave the hotel.” Shit! More rules!
OK, it was his money, his business and I played by the rules. However, he didn’t say I couldn’t buy a bottle of Jim Beam at the hotel KTV. I settled in my suite watching TV with Mr. Beam and then turned-in early since ShowTime was early the next morning.
The next day was the initial meeting in a room full of local industrialists, government officials, etc. I sat in the middle of one table flanked by Doris on my left, Amy on my right, and Mao to her right. Mao did all the talking, while I sat silent, since the meeting was totally conducted in Chinese and Amy would lean over now and then whispering as if she were translating to me.
We had a small banquet at lunch with some great spicy Sichuan food. Although I had a few limited experiences in Guangzhou and Shenzhen with Sichuan spicy food, this was my first experience with a large variety of local Sichuan food in a small town. All eyes were on me since this place had few encounters with foreigners, much less observing a foreigner eating spicy food.
What they didn’t know was I LIKED Spicy food. In the deep southeast USA, many Americans eat spicy Mexican, Thai and Cajun food from Louisiana. Furthermore, I had experienced the real deal with Thai food while visiting the “Land of Smiles” numerous times in 2001.
The next day we visited the project building site that had been cleared, but apparently the previous investment was not sufficient to get it off the ground, much less operational. Hence, enter venture capitalist Mao and company who the city hoped to be their saviors with much needed RMB.
We then made the four hour trip south to Chengdu and spent the night at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. After dinner, I was able to meet an internet friend of several years and spend a few hours, so this was the icing on the cake for my trip. The next day we flew back to Shenzhen.
I kept hoping Mao or Amy would call again offering another White Monkey job since the money was good, no hassles and Mao had been happy with my performance, but it didn’t happen. After another visit to Chengdu in June 2008 just one month after the devastating earthquake, I moved there six months later with a new teaching contract in another shit adult private English training center.
