This is how it feels when the pressure is turned up.
As there are in any part of life there are ups and down that make you question your resolve in any venture you take. So it’s not surprising that the past couple of weeks my resolve has been tested to its limits. You find stress no matter where you go, so if you plan to come to China to find a stress free Utopia, be warned, that is a pipe dream. The profession of teaching is no less stressful than my past jobs. The difference has been that this job actually gives me satisfaction at the end of the day.
It is with that short intro into this blog that I’ll explain the good and bad of my life so far in China as a teacher. The good definitely outweighs the bad but lately I have begun wondering whether I can handle the expectations that I have for myself and the expectations that others have placed on me as well. I tend to be overly critical of myself, and because of this I go through a rollercoaster of thinking I’m a good teacher to feeling like I have no idea what I’m doing.
When a class goes well for me I feel like I am on top of the world. I see the kids excited because they understand the lesson and have fun with the class. Then last week I end up having a couple of really bad classes and feeling as if all the good I’ve done is undone. I know, of course, this isn’t true. I just tend to ride myself to be the best I can be and if I fall short no one is harder on me than me.
Once the ball starts rolling downhill it’s hard to stop. So I find out that not only have I been having an off week. The school’s evaluation is coming up and the owner of the company himself will be watching my class in particular since I’m the new guy on the block. The pressure is on and it’s almost time to step up to bat and like every person who’s ever had the spotlight shined on them when they step up to the plate I am terrified of striking out.
These are the things that if you want to teach you have to consider because there are times when you will feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and you’ll have to try to pick it up like Atlas and hope you don’t drop it in the process. The guys at work tell me not to worry because it’s an evaluation of how well they’ve trained me not a evaluation of me as a teacher, but one can’t help but feel like it’s a defining moment in my teaching career.
Standing up to the scrutiny of the owner of the school, I am trying to think of it as just another obstacle to becoming a better person and a better teacher. Hopefully, I will be up to the task and not choke like a kid at a school play. I’ll let you all know how it goes and try to get caught up on my blog because I know I have been so caught up in stress that I’ve been neglecting my blog.
You'll do fine. Focus on positive thinking and correct any creeping negative thoughts. Defy gravity and make that damn ball roll UP the hill! And if it starts to roll back down - GIVE IT A GOOD KICK!
Win and win well, cuddin'!
:)