That's no Hellfire Missle. It's the M-Bomb with your name on it!
I took V to my favorite “Haunt”, “Second home” or “Other office”, AKA Chengdu Hooter’s, for the first time. We were having an enjoyable conversation in limited English, and with the assistance of an electronic translator and the friendly Hooter’s girls occasionally acting as translators. About 10pm, her phone rang.
V’s face turned pale after a brief conversation and then quietly said she had to leave.
“Why?” I asked.
Then it hit me from nowhere. A man’s worst nightmare in China. The dreaded M-Bomb had been deployed.
Now you might have been thinking, “M’ is for Marriage or Money.
While it could be, the M-Bomb I’m talking about is a true “Bunker Buster” which there is virtually no escape from and sure to devastate and f..k-up your entire day. It does not discriminate and can equally destroy relationships for all men of any ethnicity or nationality.
It’s like an American Predator drone silently circling overhead with Hellfire missiles with your name written on them. In relationship cases, they’re infinitely worse than any Hellfire missiles and they’re not being controlled by any CIA or military personnel. NO… it’s someone far worse intent on taking your ass out…
“My momma doesn’t like Americans”.
WTF!
Yes, out of oblivion, with swift and complete surprise, the Momma Bomb had been dropped on me!
“I have to go home” and with that, she flew out the door leaving me sitting there in amazement as well as the Hooter’s girls.
Naturally, I was livid and immediately sent her several text messages to that affect.
Then after nearly a week and limited communication, V met me again for lunch. She had not been happy with this situation either. We discussed the problem at length. She seemed to understand she was nearly forty-seven years old, which, even in China, should be way past old enough to make her own relationship decisions and NOT her nearly 70-year-old mother
“I don’t like my momma” she said sadly.
“You should like your momma” I replied, “But, you’re old enough to make your own decisions.”
“Who runs your house? Your momma or your papa?”
“My papa. He likes Americans.”
“Ok, great, then, you should have no problems.”
Things were better for almost two months and she was considering moving into my home after repeatedly expressing her love. She went with me and Lacey, who is my twenty-seven year old “friend girl” who often cooperates with me on some business. Lacey and V seemed to hit it off and Lacey told her, as well as me, she thought we were a good match.
Could it truly be I was one of the few men in China to have escaped and survived the dreaded M-Bomb? I began having grand visions of making front-page news on China Daily or interviewed by CCTV-English Channel’s Dialogue.
In my mind, Dialogues’ Yang Rui would introduce me on the show and say;
“Now let me get this straight David. You survived a direct hit by an M-Bomb?”
“Yes, it’s true Yang. I know it’s unbelievable and I don’t even know how I survived. Maybe it was my fate or the grace of God. I’m just thankful to survive this horrific experience and live to tell it.”
V even surprised me one week at lunch with a nice Polo shirt and asked me to come to her work place to watch her aerobics class one Tuesday evening, which I did. At this time, she introduced me to her good friend who was also one of her aerobics students.
Prior to her class, she also introduced me to a friend who was an agent for some health products and Lacy did the translation. This was a prospect for some joint business.
The combination of her actions was all good signs in my mind. So it seemed.
After watching her aerobics class, I became nauseous at dinner and could eat little. The next day V offered to take me to the hospital, but I’m not so quick to run to any hospital.
Wednesday passed and Thursday I called V and told her my condition was worse and maybe I should go get checked-out at Huaxi Hospital. She said she didn’t have time and maybe I should get Lacey to help me. Get Lacey to help me? Lacey wasn’t a doctor ten years ago like her!
That same afternoon on the way to work, a van sideswiped her BMW causing massive damage. She was now consumed in resolving this problem, which I understood, especially after she forwarded a photo by SMS of the accident scene.
Fortunately, I had another friend Flora, a former hospital CFO, whose business now was investing in hospitals. I called her and she immediately took me in her car to the Red Cross Hospital of Sichuan Province not far from my home. Being in the “know” and connected with a younger and older sister both working there, she could bypass many steps and got me directly examined by a great 70+ year old Doctor Zhou who could read, write and speak some English.
Admittedly, I was somewhat skeptical at first because of his age, but he quickly charmed me with his upbeat and humorous manner, besides appearing to be very competent. Dr. Zhou certainly missed his call as a comedian.
After spending three afternoons (Thursday, Friday & Saturday) in outpatient treatment, getting the usual blood and urine tests and about ten bags of IV antibiotics later, my condition improved. Although they initially feared something more serious requiring additional tests, I seemed OK by Sunday evening. I’m still not sure, but appears it was a stomach virus.
All three days Flora took me to the hospital and coordinated the treatments with the hospital staff.
I received NO phone calls or text messages from V during these three days. WTF! You repeatedly profess love for me, begin including me in your circle of friends, decide to sleep over, but then do an about face or 180 degree turn in less than a week? I had tried to contact her and check on her situation to no avail. What’s up with this shit?
I got Lacey to call V and ask what was going on with her. V claimed just too busy with the aftermath of the accident. She had not been hurt. Too busy for an SMS or short call to show she gave a shit how I was doing?
After some heated exchanges by SMS precipitated by me, and necessitating Lacey making another call, more of the truth started coming out. At least as much truth as I was going to get from V.
It seems she got 20,000 RMB from the van’s driver who hit her, but this was not adequate to cover the damage. I did not know her auto insurance information, or even if she had insurance. However, in her messages she said there were many pressures at home AND she needed a man to “depend on” meaning I, Me, Yours Truly should be forthcoming to help pay to repair her car that had extensive damage.
Me? I don’t think so for a minute.
A big mistake on my part thinking money was and would be no issue with her.
My second mistake was overconfidence. Momma had not given up and had only reloaded another M-bomb to drop on my unsuspecting happy ass. In all fairness, V was probably experiencing a daily barrage of M-Bombs at home.
This time there was no escape.
Maybe you should have told V you'd be happy to invest in the Beamer, but the deal would be that you get it 3 days a week. Even if the relationship with V didn't work out you'd have a great new relationship with a BMW.
I hate people like that.
Just finished my second match.com date and in the middle of it was recalling your words of wisdom about swearing off American women and wishing I had listened--can't someone just shoot me and get this date over with, not that I want to die, but a flesh wound would get me out of here--And then I come home and read this and despaired over Chinese women as well...I guess there's always Hooters
And not forget to say: that bombs are part of all traditional cultures, no matter where. I simply came to the conclusion: we must marry mom & dad before.
A short story... last year I received a message from a CLM Chinese woman that said, "Your profile photo looks like a farmer." Say what! I didn't know Sanya beaches required a tuxedo!
Anyway, i resisted the temptation to reply, "Better to look like a farmer than a whore. I can always take the hat off!" Hmmm... maybe I just did reply. Ha! Ha!
Anyway, I agree 100% on your $20,000 damage assessment. BTW, I've always liked your Telly Savalas Kojak look. Any relation? Hope you come to Chengdu sometime and we'll compare notes at Hooter's. Maybe Peter will be here by then with my Wisconsin Cheesehead hat.
John, this was her second accident in less than three months that I was aware of. The first was her fault, but maybe not as serious and just a "fender bender". This would have been a poor investment since there is probably little left of the original exterior.
I mostly agree with you Lucy, except it is the M-BOMB. I will cover much of this in my next posting. Perhaps you can entitle a future posting on your Blog, "Why do You Want to Date Western Men if Your Momma Will Never Approve?"
I have foreign friends in Chengdu married to good Chinese women with good mother-in-laws, so I'm not down on Chinese mothers... just some.
Arthurxiong, I could not argue with your assessment. In fact, I've asked some of these women, "Is your momma marrying me or you?" However, as you infer, the M-Bomb knows no cultural boundaries!